In my previous post, I mentioned that I had some... issues... that attempt to prevent me from doing what I want to do. They are not permanently disabling as long as I try to work with them. They just make my progress slower and more difficult.
My oldest hurdle is psychiatric. I battle depression and anxiety, however with medicine and good coping mechanisms, I win the battle with depression more often than not. My battle with anxiety is more difficult; sometimes I get frazzled (my term for an event that is a step above "anxious" and a step below "anxiety attack"). Becoming frazzled sometimes puts me out of commission for an hour or a day. My ways for dealing with this are taking a nap, retail therapy (even if I don't buy anything), Zentangle, or going back to my room and listening to an audiobook. Thanks to Zentangle, I have not needed to take my "as needed" anxiety medication since October 2014.
I also have a sleep disorder called "idiopathic hypersomnia." Because of it, I need more sleep than the average 23 year old woman, about 10 hours a night. I can survive on fewer hours for a few days, but I really need to regularly get my 10 hours of shut-eye. Idiopathic hypersomnia also means the part of my brain that controls alertness does not function properly. Unfortunately I am severely allergic to the best medication for this disorder, Nuvigil or Provigil, so I take an extended release stimulant medication twice a day. Why not just self medicate with caffeine? I've tried that. Any more than a twelve ounce coffee makes me jittery, and doesn't really affect me in a positive way at all, so it's not worth it.
My psychiatric issues, combined with my sleep disorder, make it difficult for me to make big changes quickly. First, I'm tired almost all day. Second, my psyche or subconscious likes the path of least resistance, and if I push too hard, too fast, I will get frazzled or dizzy. So I make small changes, and focus on the positive effects of these changes to train my psyche to feel differently. As I push, my symptoms will increase, but as I hold my ground, my symptoms subside, at which time I push again and continue the cycle.
Because of the necessity of making slow progress and going at my own pace, I cannot go get a job tomorrow and expect to be able to keep it; however, by following the plan of progressing slowly, I could theoretically be able to get and keep a job within a year. Neither can I take a full time class load. The most classes I've been able to take is 3 different classes with no more than an hour break between. I haven't taken any classes in a year because I have to pay for them myself, I'm on a fixed income, and I just haven't saved up enough.
I don't mean for anyone to pity me because I have these hurdles. I'm working on overcoming them, and I will succeed. These hurdles will never be removed unless God intervenes, and I'm ok with that. I just need to live my life to the glory of God, He will help me to succeed.
Have a good day and God bless.
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